Porn is love you can see.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
