Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
