don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize