Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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