why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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