Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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