I hate your face
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
