I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The air was thick with penises
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
