Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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