I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
