I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
