just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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