A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
