When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
