Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
