Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
