you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just want to make out with him forever
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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