hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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