I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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