College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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