I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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