mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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