Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
