Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
