just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
