I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I will be naked everywhere
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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