Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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