i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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