the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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