I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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