eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize