God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
