a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize