Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
