Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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