At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Drunk is not a location!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
