The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
