i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
