He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
