I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
