YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
