here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
