What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
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he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
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also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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