So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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