GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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