So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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