You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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