before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you traded sex for a burrito?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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