I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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