I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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