Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
