They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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