the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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