That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
