I want to have your abortion
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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