why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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